I Cannot Fail

  

TONI ASKS, "WHAT WOULD YOU ATTEMPT IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL?"

I would write my magnum opus stage play, take it to New York and/or London, star in it, and donate a portion of the ticket sales to charity.

From the time I was young, I wanted to be a stage actress.  My parents were not particularly supportive, as theatre was not a profession where it was common to make a lot of money.  I did not realize until later, of course, that their childhood circumstances made having enough money seem to be a really important thing.  (My father was the son of a poor farmer, and my mother was the child of an alcoholic.)

Being an introvert seemed to conflict with my desire to be an actress as well.  Even thinking about going to an audition used to give me an anxiety attack.  It was so tied up in my wanting to be liked, loved, or validated.  I had a horrible self-image.  Now, of course, with more than a few plays under my belt, it's not such a bad thing.  And even "successful" actors and actresses (in terms of consistency of work and money) get attacks of anxiety like that from time to time.

I guess I'm what most would call a 'character actor'.  That used to bug me because I thought that meant that people did not think I was 'good enough' to carry a play.  Now...that's not so important.

I haven't been in a play since before my first child was born ... a little over 17 years ago.  I've dabbled in playwrighting.  My best work was about a family of moonshine-brewers.  Go figure.

But rural south-central Kentucky is not exactly a hotbed of avant garde live theatre.  There is the Actor's Theatre in Louisville (about 1.5-2 hours away from here).  And if they can build one of the premiere US Shakespeare Festivals in Cedar City, Utah ... who knows, maybe I can build some kind of theatre festival in my neck of the woods.

Things that make you say, "Hmmmm."

What would YOU attempt if you knew you could not fail?