Two Kinds of Days That Change Your Life

By ---=XEON=---  [CC BY 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

     There are two kinds of days that change your life (in a good way).  The first is when you wake up in the morning, and you 'know' that something is coming; maybe it's your graduation or wedding day, or maybe there's just a feeling in the air.  The other kind of day that changes your life in a good way is one where you don't know the day is any different from any other day.  Then something sparks and your day goes from mundane to miraculous.

     I had just such a day about a week ago (the started-out-mundane kind of day).

     A big brown truck (you know the kind) pulled up in our driveway and was enthusiastically greeted by several of the family dogs.  The nice driver handed me a package while I tried to explain to the oldest canine that she could not accompany the man in his truck.  (Personally, I think she is sweet on him!)

   So why am I making such a big deal about that day, that truck and that package?  Because inside that package was my launch team copy of Jeff Goins' new book:

(Oh, BTW, I was having trouble with a full drive, so I *ahem* 'stole' this image from a post made by KC Proctor in the Launch Team Facebook Group.)

It is not uncommon for me to receive books via UPS.  But when I saw it was this particular book, I raised my hands in one of those 'touchdown' signals (book in one hand, envelope in the other) and cheered, loudly.  I was almost embarrassed for myself, but so happy to have gotten the book.  (That was for dang sure the highest note I've hit in a.g.e.s!)

You see, I started out college in Musical Theatre.  By the end of the first  year, one of the professors told me I should find something else to do, that I would never be able to earn a living in theatre. (Yeah, I know..., "OUCH!")  And I switched to a Business major - which pleased my mother to no end.  But my heart wasn't in it.  So I dropped out in the middle of my sophomore year.  Ten years later I went to a different college and started acting in plays.  Over the next several  years, I was doing at least 5 plays a year ... and some of them were even paid roles!

I eventually got a 'magna cum laude' degree in finance and had various jobs, including tutoring other students in statistics and calculus, graduate students and undergrads alike.  But I still didn't care for 'business'.

It wasn't until round about 2015 that I came upon a book that business was not just a greedy rat race:  a little book titled, "The Art of Work".  Want to guess who wrote it?  (And you better get it right!) LOL  It literally restored my faith in business and commerce, that they could be worthy pursuits for reasons other than the pursuit of wealth.  (Not that that would  hurt, though, am I right?")

Real Artists Don't Starve is an exciting flip side to The Art of Work, especially for those whose lifework leans toward the creative side of things.  Now this can be a physical art, or a performing art, or just about anything really.  Whatever your contribution to the world is supposed to be.  Which reminds me of something Eric Liddle's father said in the movie "Chariots of Fire":  "You can praise the Lord by peeling a spud, if you peel it to perfection."

So many of the voices creatives hear (including their own) tell us that we should work at something with better future prospects.  Something that has a steady income, and insurance.  Now those are good things, but it's like the time my aunt made me eggs sunny side up for breakfast.  I despise fried eggs, but I ate them with a smile on my face, and thanks to her afterwards.  If your work doesn't make your heart sing ... maybe you're in the wrong job!

Jeff tells us that it is possible to earn a good living as a creative ... and then he describes just how to do that in the pages of RADS.

In 2015, The Art of Work changed my life; now in 2017, Real Artists Don't Starve is going to change it again.  It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Have you read one or more of Jeff Goins' books?  If so, which one(s)?  Let me know in the comments!  If Jeff is a new-to-you author, give yourself a gift, and buy Real Artists Don't Starve!

#Review: The Art of Work by Jeff Goins

Jeff Goins, a brilliant new voice counting Seth Godin and Jon Acuff among his fans, explains how to abandon the status quo and live a life that matters with true passion and purpose.

The path to your life's work is difficult and risky, even scary, which is why few finish the journey. This is a book about discovering your life's work, that treasure of immeasurable worth we all long for. Its about the task you were born to do.

As Jeff Goins explains, the search begins with passion but does not end there. Only when our interests connect with the needs of the world do we begin living for a larger purpose. Those who experience this intersection experience something exceptional and enviable. Though it is rare, such a life is attainable by anyone brave enough to try.

Through personal experience, compelling case studies, and current research on the mysteries of motivation and talent, Jeff shows readers how to find their vocation and what to expect along the way. 

GoodReads * Amazon * Barnes & Noble

BAM * iBooks * CBD

~~~oOo~~~

REVIEW

I do not give many 5-star reviews.  When I do, it is because a book has something extra.  A book has to have that certain, "Je ne sais quoi", a broad appeal across genres, and lift us out of our ordinary lives to become something better.  The Art of Work by Jeff Goins is one such book.

Giving a little of my background: 

My father passed away during my senior year in high school.  He was 47 and had a stroke, passing a week later.  He was the first of his family to graduate college.  He had a PhD in Chemical Engineering.  He worked his entire adult life at a defense contractor, because he was good at what he did and it was a responsible job that put food on the table and kept a roof over our heads.  And he hated it.

I started out in college as a Musical Theatre major.  That's a heck of a field of study for a painfully shy introvert.  Due to a disastrous end-of-year audition in the program and a steady pressure from my mother, I switched in my sophomore year to "Business".  That was respectable.  That was something you could tell people without having them go, "tsk, tsk, tsk," and asking you how you were going to make a living.  And I hated it.

Reading The Art of Work was like having a personally-guided tour to the nobility of purpose.  It clearly brought out the difference between a 'job' (what you do to pay the bills) and a career or purpose - which I will define as your best contribution towards making the world a better place to live.

Somewhere along the line, society has pounded it into our skulls that we should keep our noses to the grindstone, our eyes downcast to the job at hand, to maintain the status quo.  Don't look up, don't dare to dream, fulfill the role someone else has decided is your niche.  Oh, and don't ask questions.

Bull cookies!

If you are having trouble seeing your dream or making it happen, you would do well to read The Art of Work.  If you are working on your dream, Jeff Goins's book can be an umbrella to help you hold onto your dreams during the storms of 'real life'.  And if you have achieved your dream?  CONGRATULATIONS!  Read the book anyway.  It's that good.

~~~oOo~~~

MEET THE AUTHOR

Website * Blog * Twitter

Facebook * LinkedIn * Google +

Originally from Chicago, Jeff moved to Nashville after graduating from college and spending a year traveling with CTI Music Ministries.

In college, he studied Spanish and Religion. He spent part of his Junior year in Spain, which unlocked a passion for missions, travel, and other cultures.

After a long year of letter-writing and long-distance phone calls, Jeff moved to Tennessee to “see about a girl.” In 2008, he married her.

Jeff lives with his wife Ashley and their dog Lyric and has been working from home for a nonprofit called Adventures in Missions since 2006.

He has written and guest-blogged for a number of publications and blogs. Jeff also helps organizations with their marketing, communications, and creativity. 

~~~oOo~~~

(Disclosure:  I received, well, actually two copies of this print book from Jeff Goins and the publishers in exchange for my honest and unbiased review.)

~~~oOo~~~ 

This post represents my first day's entry for the 30 Day Blogging Challenge, hosted by Sarah Arrow at Sark Emedia. 

Have a Fantastic Rest of the Year!

   

TONI SAYS, "HERE'S TO A FANTASTIC REST OF THE YEAR!  WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED THIS MONTH?  WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?

I want to say, "thank you" to Toni at One Chocolate Box for coming up with "The New Year Project" and inviting me (and the blogosphere) to join in the ride.  What a great opportunity to stretch the resolutions of one day out over a whole month.  If you are looking to create a new habit, a month is a perfect amount of time to solidify that in your practice.

I have joined many, many month-long blog projects.  Until this month, I have only completed it one time.  So I'm feeling pretty dang pleased with myself.  Not only have I completed The New Year's Project, but also my first NaBloPoMo and Jeff Goin's 500 Words a Day Challenge.  I might be pretty hard to deal with the next couple of days, cause I'm feeling pretty good about myself!

My studies are also going much better than last semester, so I'm very, very happy about that.  We filed our taxes today, and they were 'accepted' by the IRS, so our return should be coming next week and I am OVER THE MOON about that one!  Party at my house just as soon as our temps here in Kentucky get to be higher than those in Alaska.  

For the rest of the year?  Wow...there are so many options.

1. I will finish a short e-book to use as a giveaway on my blog.
2. I will participate in and complete NaNoWriMo.
3. We will fine-tune our family budget.
4. We will increase the variety in our garden and maybe add some animals.
5. I will increase the amount of book-related posts on my blog (reviews, interviews, guest posts, etc)

Well, that ought to keep me out of trouble...for a while! ;)

What are you working on for the year?  Maybe someone else is working on the same thing and you can help each other out!

Happiness for Young and Old

   

TONI SAYS, "WRITE A LETTER TO A CHILD ON WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED ABOUT HAPPINESS."

Dear Young'un,

You will have times of great happiness and great sorrow in your lives, and everything in-between.  I hope and pray there is way more happiness than anything else.  Reversals in our lives help us to appreciate successes.  Sadness makes us value happiness all the more.

I've been both in my life.  And let me tell you something, "Happiness is a WHOLE lot more fun!"  Would it surprise you to learn that some of that is in your control?  If an acquaintance of yours makes you feel bad, you can choose to hang out with other people.  There are people out there willing and able to inspire you to reach beyond your circumstances and bring about wonderful things in your life.

It also helps to appreciate the good that we already have.  Some days that is easier, some days harder.  Maybe on a given day you can't find anything.  Having a roof over your head is a whole lot nicer than not.  Most likely one or more family members loves you and wants the best for you.  That is a HUGE plus.  A teacher that takes extra time to help you understand a problem at school.  Wonderful.

But what about the days where nothing goes right?  Maybe your mom or dad lost their job and is really stressed out.  Maybe you did poorly on a test at school and you don't want to tell your parent(s).  Well, maybe that's the day that the little puppy in the pet store window on your walk home comes up to the window and wags his tail furiously in greeting like he is really happy to see you.  Maybe a beautiful little flower pushes up out of nowhere in between sidewalk blocks in the concrete jungle.

You can't stop all of the rain in life.  But you can know there is sunshine.  You can help spread it to other people.  Then you can be your own and someone else's happiness.  What a wonderful gift.

-a tired, old (happy) coot

Role Models

  

TONI ASKS, "WHO BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN YOU?  HAVE YOU TOLD THEM OF THEIR INFLUENCE ON YOU?"

I really, really liked talking with my husband's Mamaw.  When we moved to Kentucky from Texas, our children were 8, 6, and 2.  We moved into a mobile home (aka trailer) next door to her house.  My father-in-law lived (and lives) across the back field.

Of course, we had visited from Texas before we moved up here.  The first time, the boys were 4 and 3 and our daughter was not yet born.  Neither the children nor myself had met anyone from Chris's father's side of the family up until that point.  When the boys and I walked up and knocked on the side door, Mamaw came and said "Howdy," through the screen.  When she saw my husband, this little five-foot-nothing white-haired woman said, "I oughtta throw you across the yard," (for not bringing her great-grandsons up sooner).  Everyone laughed.  The bonding was instantaneous.

We'd be over at Mamaw's almost every day.  She would still cook sausage gravy and biscuits for breakfast in the early days of our sojourn here, and made 'dressing' a couple of times a week.  They were two dishes that Chris had loved while he was growing up.

I don't know that I ever told Mamaw what I thought of her while she was still here (she passed last March), but I hope I tried to show it.

Eventually, we moved out of the trailer, and rented several places over the next six or seven years.  We still visited, but less and less frequently, depending on how far away we lived at the time.  Sometimes we would go to my father-in-law's house and "stop in" at Mamaw's either before or afterwards.  I felt bad that these were kind-of 'blow through' visits.

So I made a point to sit in the kitchen and have a coffee with Mamaw and chat for a while.  Coffee for Mamaw was a spoon of instant in a cup of water that had been heated up in the microwave.  At the table, the cup would have a saucer and some of the coffee would be spooned or poured into the saucer (to cool it down, maybe?) before drinking or spooning the coffee out of the saucer.  I tried to do it that way, I really did!  In the end, I drank coffee the way in which I was used, and that was ok by Mamaw.  We talked and laughed and talked some more.

I miss her.

You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do

 

IF YOU COULD PERSUADE PEOPLE TO DO ONE THING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? If I could persuade people to do one thing right now, I would persuade them to believe in themselves and take that first (or 22nd, or whatever) step towards their dreams.
A lot of dreams die on the vine because people are afraid to try, afraid of failure, afraid of success.  Or they don't think they are "good enough".  I spent years (wasted years?) mired in all that crap.
I remember seeing a poster once, with one of those huge-eyed hand-drawn kids, with a saying like, "I must be somebody, 'cause God doesn't make mistakes."  I think most religions or spiritual traditions have some sort of philosophy like that.
Ten years after I had been told to find something else to do because I had no future in theatre, I saw an audition notice on a wall at my new college.  I thought to myself, "That's cool.  I should do that."  When I moved closer, I saw the auditions were on two different days, the last of which was that day.  All the excuses came flooding back, "Oh, it's too soon.  I don't have anything prepared.  I'm not good at cold readings....yadda, blah, blah."  I came within a hair's breadth of talking myself out of it.  Then I thought, "Why not?  What have a got to lose?  I love acting.  Nothing in the world would make me happier.  And if I don't get a part, I am no worse off than I am right now."  So I went, I auditioned, and I got a part.
Those cherished dreams CAN work out, for you too!  Maybe not in the way you expect, or in the time frame you would like, but when you 'release the result' you open so many, many doors to allow great experiences and people come into your life.
What is one step you can take today to move closer to a goal or dream of yours?

Undue Influence

  

ARE YOU GOOD AT INFLUENCING OTHER PEOPLE?
Well, it depends.  Over the telephone, or internet, when people can first read or heard my words and think they sound like a pretty good idea.  But in person, not so much.  If people judge me by looks, I'm sunk.  (Not all people do this, though.  Most are pretty cool.)  I'm middle-aged, overweight, wear dentures, and have been known to have a pronounced Kentucky twang at times, so some people, for whatever reason, seem to think I'm intellectually-challenged.  And try influencing someone who thinks they are intellectually superior to you.
For instance, a lot of the people with whom I have come in face-to-face contact during my return to college smile a lot, talk slowly and distinctly.  They all but pat my hand and say, "There, there."  I used to hear that tone of voice a lot when I worked with adults with mental retardation.  I mentally roll my eyes, sigh, and say a prayer for all of us.
The ones I come in contact with by other means (all my classes are online), we're golden.  My professors like my writing style, and I've not heard, "Man, you are SO off base,"... yet.
The more passionate I am about a subject, the more likely I am going to be able to influence people on that subject.  I believe many people would be the same.

The Most Stressful Responsibility

  
WHICH OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES STRESS YOU OUT THE MOST?
I would have to say raising my children.  And I wouldn't change that stress for the world.  Because they are one of my greatest joys.
I am remembering, clear as day, the moment they wheeled my oldest child (now 17) into my room at the hospital.  He had to go on oxygen right away for a couple of hours after he was born, and since labor was induced, they wouldn't let me out of bed for 24 hours.  So when his little bassinet was wheeled into the room was the first time I had seen him.
I was 35 years old.  I had waited, planned, waited more, etc, etc, etc for almost 20 years for that moment.  And when I peeked over the edge of the bassinet, I thought, "OK, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?"
Would I give up my life to save even one of theirs?  In a heartbeat.  When they were born, they were defenseless and it was my responsibility (and my husband's) to provide their every need.  We have been their first teachers.  
Our oldest is quickly getting to the point (if he has not already passed it) where he will begin to assume responsibility for his own decisions and actions.  Getting him to the point where he is able to do that has been and is our responsibility.  Parenthood is an awesome responsibility, not to be taken lightly.
I will never be the perfect parent.  But as long as I have put in my best effort, that will be enough.  My parents were not perfect, but I know now they did their best (although I would not have sworn to that at the time).
So, what about you?  What is your most stressful responsibility and how do you handle it?  Let us know in the comments? :O) - Peace out, y'all.

Anything I Can Do, I Can do Better

  

  

TONI WANTS TO KNOW, "I THINK I WOULD BE BETTER AT _____ IF I _____."

I think I would be better at LIFE if I HAD MORE FAITH.

My biggest 'failures' in this game of life have come when I stayed inside my little nest and did not venture out.  Evidence the length of time it took me to come out of my shell for theatre's sake.  I get angry sometimes when I look at the years I wasted doing other things.  But I also realize I am not perfect and forgive myself for that and other failures.  Yes, I could have done things differently and had a very different life.  But I would not change my life now (with my family) for any amount of 'success' professionally.  And the past is the past, right?  I can't change it now, so I might as well take a look at things I can change.

My biggest 'successes' in life have come when I swallowed my fear, and took that extra step, most usually out of my comfort zone.

1.  I saw that audition poster and went, even though I had no time to 'prepare'.  As it happened, I got a part.  Would it mean I failed if I had not gotten a role in the play?  No.  It would have been a 'not in this case' scenario.

2.  I used to belong to a fraternal group called Job's Daughters.  I entered a state-wide pageant for the group when I was a little older than most of the other contestants and had never held a leading officer position.  I went on to represent the state in the international competition in Hawaii (talk about a bonus right there!)

3.  My mother-in-law tried to get custody of our children when we just had the two boys.  I was dealing with crippling depression at the time and could very well have thrown up my hands and surrendered.  But I did not.  They were my boys.  I went to a lawyer and found out she did not have the standing to bring the case.  After one hearing (which she missed), she dropped the case.

I'm not perfect.  Far from it.  But I'm pretty dang neat!  And so are YOU!  :O)

Could you share (in the comments) a time when you took a leap of faith and how it turned out?  You might have the exact information another needs to hear today!

The Dark Side of Perfect

  

WHAT PUTS MORE PRESSURE ON YOU:  TIME CONSTRAINTS OR PERFECTIONISM?
Both time and perfectionism put pressure on me; they probably put pressure on you too.  For me, perfectionism is the bigger issue.  I spend hours and hours trying to make something perfect ... right up until the point where the scale is tipped and time constraints crash down on me, crushing me to a greasy little spot on the floor.
Suppose I live in the perfect zip code, drive the perfect car and wear the perfect clothes.  Does that make my life perfect?  What if I moved.  Would anywhere else be less than perfect?  Would my perfect friends still be friendly?  Or would less than perfect not be 'good enough'?
For example, I have a relative who owns and drives a Cadillac.  Unless they discover oil under our house, or we win the lotto, or I become a best-selling author, that's never going to happen to me.  And that's ok.  (Besides, if I'm going to spend that kind of money on a vehicle, I'd rather have a Jaguar!)  She says she only knows how to drive Cadillacs.  (This isn't true.  I've seen her drive a Lincoln.  And I bet the rental counter clerk wishes they had had a Cadillac that day.  Oy!)  Do I like her more because she drives fancy cars?  No.  Would I like her less if she drove a less-than-antique, run-down Chevy?  No.
Why?  Because she is not her car.
We are not our possessions.  We are not just our abilities.  You've heard the expression, "You are what you eat"?
We are also what we do.  Nobody can be us better than we can.

Can You Believe January is Almost Over?

    

TONI SAYS, "WHEN I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING TRACK OF MY RESOLUTIONS, I WILL..."

At some point, most people who make resolutions will come to a point where they have to decide whether they will continue to do with their work or if they will let a slip-up here or there cause them to abandon the changes they were trying to institute in their lives.

Let me tell you a story. Some of you have heard this before.  :O)

At some point in rather early in childhood, I decided I wanted to be an actress.  From junior high school on, there were 'drama' classes available at the school.  I took them.  In high school, I guess we were 'cooler' then, and drama became 'theatre'.

When I entered college, I declared as a Musical Theatre Major.  Apparently I was not too shabby in the acting department, but my singing was not something for which I had never had training.  I was incredibly, overly nervous about it.  At the end of freshman year, each MT student had to pass an audition to continue in the program.  (I cringe even now thinking of mine.)  One professor actually wrote on my sheet that I should find something else to do because I had no future in musical theatre.

I abandoned my dream.

Ten years and several lifetimes later, I went back to college and happened to get a part in a play.  For the next five-six years, I got a lot of parts in a lot of plays.

Do you see?

I had a TEN YEAR DERAILMENT in a 'resolution'.  And I went back.  And I took it up again.  It was worth it!

Do you know something?

YOU CAN TOO!

Doin' the Happy Dance

    

TONI ASKS, "YOUR HAPPINESS SHOULD DEPEND ON NOBODY BUT YOURSELF.  HOW CAN YOU TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS?"

The happiest I have ever been has been when I have taken that step out in faith.  Yes, I was scared, but I did it anyway.  That as much as anything else, showed me that what I did had a lot to do with whether or not I would be happy.  Sure, if someone walked up and gave me a winning lotto ticket, I would be happy.  (If the winning ticket were for a large amount, I would REALLY be happy! :O) )

But I can also be happy without winning a lotto jackpot.  And if you wait around for a jackpot to be happy, you'll probably be waiting for a very, very long time.  That is when you surrender your possibilities for happiness to someone or something else.  How sad.

My house is very crowded right now.  There are 2 adults (my husband and me), two teenage boys, 1 tween girl, four dogs and 10 puppies.

I could concentrate on the lack of organization, the fact that there is hardly ever a quiet moment, the stunning amount of trash generated.  I could go on for a while and get more disheartened and depressed at every step.

Or I could be happy that we are living in our own house.  Many people don't.  Some don't even have a place to live.  I could be happy that the house built by my husband's paternal grandparents is still in the family.  I could be happy that one of my children's grandfather's houses is minutes away, and that there is a lot of cross-generational contact.  (I really only knew one of my grandparents, and I knew Mamaw (husband's paternal grandmother) better than all of my direct grandparents altogether.  I am.

I would like to hug my house.

Facing Pressure: Do You Comply or Rebel?

  

DOES PRESSURE EVER MAKE YOU WANT TO REBEL AND DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE THING OF WHAT IS BEING ASKED OF YOU?
Hehehehe.  How much time do you have today?
I can answer this question in one of three ways:
a) No.  I feel the request is valid and it is my 'job' (whether in a professional or social setting) to comply, even though it may cause stress.  A lot of situations in a former job had this kind of situation.  If one of the residents was getting worked up and threatening to hurt themselves or someone else it was my job to stop them (in the former case) or step in between them and their intended target (in the latter).  Pressure? Loads. Run away.  Not on my life.
b) Eh...no, probably not.  Sometimes a request or order is valid, but delivered in a demeaning manner.  That's when my hackles start to rise.  Ninety-nine times out of 100 I would probably comply an do what is being asked.
c) All bets are off.  If the person is on a power trip and enjoying lording it over other people (including me), then their request is difficult to fulfill and there is a definite desire on my part to push back.  At the same job described earlier, I was assisting a resident (let's call her "J") in a wheelchair with transferring to the toilet, she began to holler.  When I started in the home, she was getting around by use of a walker.  But she would rather have people do things for her. So, while I was transferring her, one of the home 'officials' came and wanted to know why she was screaming.  I said it was because the resident did not want to have to do any work, and that I was encouraging her to move so that she could retain her abilities as long as possible, and that I did not want to enable her into the wheelchair full-time.  This staffer screamed at me that I "HAD TO" enable her, because J could not put any weight on her feet!  I replied, "Uh, She just did."  My voice might have been a little louder than usual.

Keeping Cool in the Pressure Cooker

  
DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO CONTROL YOUR TEMPER WHEN FACING ENORMOUS PRESSURE?
First let's look at the words possible and probable?  Is something possible; could it happen?  Yes.  Is something probable, likely to happen?  That could be another story.  Some of it depends on the amount and quality of the perceived pressure.
Say someone with a full cart cuts in front of my at the grocery store.  Will I lose my temper?  Probably not.  Will I use a release valve like thinking, "Putz," under my breath? There's a good chance.  Will it work and stave off a display of temper on my part?  Yes.
However, let's change up the situation.  Say that person's cart hits and injures one of my children during their mad dash to the checkout line.  Will I lose my temper?  The chances of that will have just gone up dramatically.
So, here's a little peek into my thought process at that time:
Of course, the above example shows some sort of intent on the mad dasher's part (to get to the line first).  Maybe they didn't see my child and the injury was an accident.  (Because if the injury was intentional...buddy, it's on!)  Will the person apologize or take responsibility for their actions?  What if they are a single parent rushing home from work to make supper for their children before cleaning up, helping the kids with their homework, falling into bed exhausted, and getting up early the next day to do it all over again?  That would change things for me.
I suppose I should say at this point that when I lose my temper, it would most likely come out as a verbal tirade.  I am loathe to get physical, but will not hesitate to use that option in self-defense.
This is another reason I took up a more regular practice of prayer and meditation at the beginning of the year.  They both build up your inner strength and soothe life's pressures to make it less likely that the pressure to pass the critical point.

Resolutions Revisited

  

TONI ASKS, "HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR RESOLUTIONS SO FAR?

Eh.

First of all, I did not make resolutions this year.  I went the "one word" route with the word "Order".  Is there more order in my life.  Marginally.  But some progress is better than no progress at all.

I am being more organized in keeping up with my schoolwork.  I'm caught up in everything (yay me!) and even ahead on some things.  I'm actually a little proud of that one.

My desk at which I study?  Um, not so much.  It is my goal to have it organized and/or cleared off by Monday, the 27th (of January).  Will someone remember to ask me on Monday if I've done it?

Enough about me.  Let's talk about you!

Did you make resolutions this year?  Goals?  Choose one word?  How is that working for you?

If you did resolutions and missed a day, don't worry about it.  If I were quicker on the draw, I'd send you a "get out of jail free" card.  Start again.  If you haven't missed a day - congratulations!  Whether you have missed a day or haven't, remember....YOU ROCK!

Temper, Temper

  

DO YOU HAVE A BAD TEMPER?  HOW OFTEN DO YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER?
I can have a temper as much as the next woman, but I usually try to de-stress before it gets to a blow up.  There are many ways I can do this.  The classic, of course, is counting to ten.  A slightly more difficult way is counting from eleven to twenty ... in Russian.  They have some l-o-n-g words for those teen numbers, those Russian folks.
Another way to de-stress for me is "going to my room".  Seriously.  I go into my bedroom, shut the door, and meditate, or read a distracting book.  The stressful situation will still be there when I come out of the room, but I will be dealing with it from a much more relaxes and powerful position.  
One situation that has the most potential to send me directly from zero-to-postal without passing go is someone messing with my children.  That can set me off like nothing else.
Another thing that irks me is going to the doctor, or a government office, and being talked down to by one of the staff.  I've even been known to 'rehearse' assertive communication in my mind before I encounter a situation like that.  
Care to share one of your tips or tricks for keeping calm in the face of stressful situations?  I'd love to hear!

This is Me

   

TONI ASKS, "WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR BODY?  WHAT STEPS CAN YOU TAKE TOWARD ACCEPTING, AND MAYBE LOVING, YOUR BODY?

I am overweight.  I dislike this more from a health perspective than an attractiveness point-of-view.  My father had a stroke at the age of 47 and passed away a week later - during my senior year of high school.  I was fine with blood pressure until I started having children.  Now I am on two medications.  I want to be here to see my children get married and raise families of their own.  Being at a healthier weight will not guarantee that, of course, but it could make the meantime more enjoyable.

For instance, my family recently went to Mammoth Cave in western Kentucky.  They wanted to do a mid-length tour that involved a LOT of steps.  I did not know if I would be able to take it, physically.  When you get to the cave entrance, basically the first thing you do is go down about 300-400 steps to get to the first chamber.  By the time we left that chamber, I was pulling myself up along the path by the handrails.  (Do you know how cold a metal handrail in a cave can get?)  At one point I was almost sure I was going to pass out or have some kind of attack.

You know what got me through?  (I mean other than mule stubbornness?)  The thought of my family, and the good time we were having.  We were all pretty winded by the time the tour was over.  I went straight to bed when we got home and spent most of the next day in bed.  My legs hurt for several days.

So, I give myself props that I completed that trek.

And I know that my worth as a person is not tied to my weight or physical condition.  (Yes, sometimes that is easier to remember than others.)  I like to think of a saying I saw on a poster or graphic once that went something along the lines of "I know I'm somebody because God doesn't make crap."  That's not to say I can't better organize the temple (body) I have been given.

3 Defenses Against Perfection-Mongers

  

DO YOU FEEL PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT?  HOW MUCH OF IT IS TIED TO  WHAT YOU SEE ONLINE?
The only time I really remember feeling pressured to be perfect is when I showed my father a Trigonometry test I had taken in the 10th grade.  I had been working very hard in the class and achieved a score of 97%.  I took the paper to my father (who had a PhD in Chemical Engineering) and he asked me, "What happened to the other 3 points?"  OUCH!
And I put a lot of pressure on myself to be 'perfect', because I want the result of whatever I am working on to be my best work for the other person.  But pressuring oneself to be perfect is not necessarily good either.
I know there are people out there who judge others by where they live, what kind of vehicle they drive, whether or not they shop off the rack, whether they are married or *gasp* divorced, too young or too old, Christian or Jew or Muslim or Buddhist.
In a sense, we all make judgments about people based on their looks, their skin color, whether or not they have a degree, where they work, if they work, what church they go to ... the list is endless.  A lot of it is the result of ignorance, Yes, it is going to happen online.  
Media in general puts a lot of pressure on people to appear (at least physically) perfect.  Recently there was a buzz about someone Photoshopping Jennifer Lawrence to make her arms look thinner.  Puh-leeze!  Everyone wants to see young, thin, well-to-do people who have 'perfect' lives.  But as anyone who has seen an episode of "The Real Housewives of (X)" can tell you:  a) those housewives are not representative of the vast majority of housewives anywhere in the world, and b) rich, young, physically attractive people do not necessarily have happily-ever-after lives.
So, how to we affirm ourselves as "just fine, just the way we are, thank you very much"?
Talk to the Hand Defense - literally put up your hand and give a "stop" sign.  You don't have time to listen to that kind of noise.  This is a great defense against those who would stop you from getting the right things done by insisting that everything you do be done 'just right'.
Walk Away Defense - This defense is for when the battle to be perfect is just not worth it.  Maybe you are in a toxic relationship, be it family, friend or love interest.  Some insists you do things just so, or always their way, in order that you be 'worthy'.  Walk away.  Create distance.
Channel Changer Defense - You've probably heard the maxim that 'the best defense is a good offense'.  Choose to take in information that is uplifting.  Choose to consume things that energize you.  Opt out of the mirage of perfection.  Get the right things done.
What are your thoughts on the concept of perfection?

Songs and Movies that Make You Feel Good

  

TONI SUGGESTS, "SHARE YOUR FEEL GOOD SONGS/MOVIES"

SONGS

Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves
Boondocks - Little Big Town
What do You Think About That - Montgomery Gentry
Pachelbel's Canon in D - Johann Pachelbel

MOVIES

Chariots of Fire
Dave
Doc Hollywood
Roman Holiday

These are by no means exhaustive lists...just a few to get our creative juices going.  What can you add to one or both lists?  Let's help each other out!

Pressure? Schmessure!

     DO YOU STILL FEEL PRESSURE TO CONFORM?  IF NO, AT WHICH AGE DID IT STOP? I think there is always some pressure to conform; society doesn't like having to open another box into which it must categorize things.  The less variation in people, the smaller variety of labels society's printer has to pit out, the happier 'society' is. It has, however, been ... a lot of years ... oh, ok, DECADES since I gave a rat's you-know-what about 'fitting in'.  Am I going to pull a Lady Godiva anytime soon?  Not likely.  (Collective sighs of relief all around.)   My maternal grandfather wanted to be a banker.  His parents wanted him to be a lawyer.  He became a lawyer.  He also became an alcoholic. My father was a chemical engineer.  He would have rather, at least in later life, have done something in investments.  He stayed a chemical engineer because: a) he was good at it; b) people expected him to stay the course, and c) it paid well.  My father came home early from work one day in early February 1979 because he did not feel well.  One week later, he died at the age of 47. Three times after my father passed away, my mother's brother came to visit us.  Each time my mother and uncle visited me at the place where I worked.  Each time, my uncle said, "You can do better." I really owe a debt of gratitude to the men in my family, although I can't say I appreciated the lesson at the time.  I've come out of class with a good idea of what makes me happy, the ability to express what makes me happy and why, and a thick enough skin to resist efforts to fit this square peg into a round hole.