Role Models

  

TONI ASKS, "WHO BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN YOU?  HAVE YOU TOLD THEM OF THEIR INFLUENCE ON YOU?"

I really, really liked talking with my husband's Mamaw.  When we moved to Kentucky from Texas, our children were 8, 6, and 2.  We moved into a mobile home (aka trailer) next door to her house.  My father-in-law lived (and lives) across the back field.

Of course, we had visited from Texas before we moved up here.  The first time, the boys were 4 and 3 and our daughter was not yet born.  Neither the children nor myself had met anyone from Chris's father's side of the family up until that point.  When the boys and I walked up and knocked on the side door, Mamaw came and said "Howdy," through the screen.  When she saw my husband, this little five-foot-nothing white-haired woman said, "I oughtta throw you across the yard," (for not bringing her great-grandsons up sooner).  Everyone laughed.  The bonding was instantaneous.

We'd be over at Mamaw's almost every day.  She would still cook sausage gravy and biscuits for breakfast in the early days of our sojourn here, and made 'dressing' a couple of times a week.  They were two dishes that Chris had loved while he was growing up.

I don't know that I ever told Mamaw what I thought of her while she was still here (she passed last March), but I hope I tried to show it.

Eventually, we moved out of the trailer, and rented several places over the next six or seven years.  We still visited, but less and less frequently, depending on how far away we lived at the time.  Sometimes we would go to my father-in-law's house and "stop in" at Mamaw's either before or afterwards.  I felt bad that these were kind-of 'blow through' visits.

So I made a point to sit in the kitchen and have a coffee with Mamaw and chat for a while.  Coffee for Mamaw was a spoon of instant in a cup of water that had been heated up in the microwave.  At the table, the cup would have a saucer and some of the coffee would be spooned or poured into the saucer (to cool it down, maybe?) before drinking or spooning the coffee out of the saucer.  I tried to do it that way, I really did!  In the end, I drank coffee the way in which I was used, and that was ok by Mamaw.  We talked and laughed and talked some more.

I miss her.

Undue Influence

  

ARE YOU GOOD AT INFLUENCING OTHER PEOPLE?
Well, it depends.  Over the telephone, or internet, when people can first read or heard my words and think they sound like a pretty good idea.  But in person, not so much.  If people judge me by looks, I'm sunk.  (Not all people do this, though.  Most are pretty cool.)  I'm middle-aged, overweight, wear dentures, and have been known to have a pronounced Kentucky twang at times, so some people, for whatever reason, seem to think I'm intellectually-challenged.  And try influencing someone who thinks they are intellectually superior to you.
For instance, a lot of the people with whom I have come in face-to-face contact during my return to college smile a lot, talk slowly and distinctly.  They all but pat my hand and say, "There, there."  I used to hear that tone of voice a lot when I worked with adults with mental retardation.  I mentally roll my eyes, sigh, and say a prayer for all of us.
The ones I come in contact with by other means (all my classes are online), we're golden.  My professors like my writing style, and I've not heard, "Man, you are SO off base,"... yet.
The more passionate I am about a subject, the more likely I am going to be able to influence people on that subject.  I believe many people would be the same.

Temper, Temper

  

DO YOU HAVE A BAD TEMPER?  HOW OFTEN DO YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER?
I can have a temper as much as the next woman, but I usually try to de-stress before it gets to a blow up.  There are many ways I can do this.  The classic, of course, is counting to ten.  A slightly more difficult way is counting from eleven to twenty ... in Russian.  They have some l-o-n-g words for those teen numbers, those Russian folks.
Another way to de-stress for me is "going to my room".  Seriously.  I go into my bedroom, shut the door, and meditate, or read a distracting book.  The stressful situation will still be there when I come out of the room, but I will be dealing with it from a much more relaxes and powerful position.  
One situation that has the most potential to send me directly from zero-to-postal without passing go is someone messing with my children.  That can set me off like nothing else.
Another thing that irks me is going to the doctor, or a government office, and being talked down to by one of the staff.  I've even been known to 'rehearse' assertive communication in my mind before I encounter a situation like that.  
Care to share one of your tips or tricks for keeping calm in the face of stressful situations?  I'd love to hear!