Proverbs 31:28-29

    Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

I think I'm a little off-target on this one, as on most things.  Do my children wake up and call me blessed...well....not exactly.  Granted, my daughter still stumbles out of bed sleepily in the morning and comes to Mom for a quick hug and snuggle.  And my teenage boys (15 and 16) will still submit to the occasional motherly hug...in public, no less!
Is it something I have to wait for until my children have children of their own?  How else will they be able to make an informed decision on whether or not my parenting skills are up to snuff?  Maybe, if they have some vision of what their future holds, they can/will judge on the basis of how and what I teach them and whether it will bring them happy, productive adulthoods.
And oh, my poor husband.  Now this is partially due to my depression, but sometimes I don't give him a whole lot of actions to praise (or, to 'brag on', as we say around these parts).  But I have been making strides in showing my appreciation for him, which is something I think he lacked growing up.  Why?  He had some learning differences before they were given that name, and was therefore labeled a 'lazy' student.  When he was preparing to go back to college a little over a year ago, I heard people express concern over his ability and determination.  I told him I would support him however I could and for the most part I have lived up to that bargain.  In his first two semesters he has achieved a 4.0 GPA each time!  Yay him! :O)
And, well, I know I will never excel everyone at being a Proverbs 31-style wife and mother.  But that's ok.  Most of the time I do my best.  When I fall off the bike, I get back on.  And the cool thing about that?  My children, my husband, and my Father in Heaven love me regardless of whether I'm "Mrs. Proverbs 31" or not!
So, this week, I'm going to ask my family to describe their perfect days.  Then I'm going to take a step (for each one) in seeing how I can help them get a little closer to it.  How will you serve your family this week?

Proverbs 31: 26 - 27

    

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; 

and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, 

and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Verse 26 seems to me to warn about 'idle talk'.  But to leave the analysis there would be to leave out far too much meaning.  Gossip is an obvious target.  If a subject or bit of information is bothersome enough to pass along to friends and acquaintances, it also needs to be brought up in our prayers.  In even more intimate communications, wisdom and kindness in our words are even more important.

Who better than our husbands, children, families and ourselves with whom to share our well - considered, kind words? No couple, no family is 100% happy 100% of the time, not this side of heaven anyway.  Words spoken in the heat of anger cannot be retracted.  Feelings take time to heal.  Wouldn't it be better to think before we speak?  There's a lot of wisdom in the theory of 'counting to 10' before you open your mouth.  While your active mind is counting, you subconscious mind-librarian is searching furiously for the right words to say.

I'm going to have to watch my own-self talk after being soundly convicted by verse 27.  Part of me wants to cry when I think of the hours (ok-days) I've wasted playing games online and spending time on pursuits of little eternal worth.  A little entertainment is enjoyable and arguably necessary ... but it is not life.

Traditionally, a married woman would be judged on the state of her household, at least in terms of organization and cleanliness.  This is not to say that individual women can or even should be responsible for each little chore that needs to be done to keep a home running smoothly.  For the first 10-12 years of my marriage, I was the one that went out, worked and brought home a paycheck.  It might not have been ideal, it might not have always been what I wanted, but that was the way it was...and it wasn't all bad, either.

In a case like that, or if there is a single-parent family, some of the household management chores of necessity fall on the other members of family.  And it is a good thing if children take on duties as well.  This will teach them order, time management and give them a sense of 'ownership' of their living area.  This process is part of "looking well to the ways of the household".

The best thing I've got going for me in this (and any) area is the love of God.  He loves all women, regardless of whether or not our pictures are ever pinned to the "Top 10 Proverbs 31 Women Ever" board.  But if our goal is to move in that direction, He is there to help us every step of the way.  We just have to ask.

Proverbs 31: 24 - 25

Proverbs 31:  24-25
24 - She maketh fine linen, and selleth it;  she delivereth girdles unto the merchants.
25 - Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in the time to come.

First of all, I'm glad to be back on this series of Proverbs 31, after taking April off for the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.  Regardless if you are re-visiting, here for the first time, or hanging around after the show as it were, welcome!  I'm glad you are here!
OK.  Here we go.
A Proverbs 31 woman is able to make beautiful things with her hands (or nowadays her keyboard as well - for the tech-savvy amongst us).  It is an honorable profession to be able to create things with our abilities and knowledge and to receive just compensation for our efforts.  Sometimes the money must go for the support of the family; sometimes items may be donated to charitable organizations for fundraising, or as gifts for family and friends.  Each person in our society has an innate need to be able to contribute and receive in our society and economy.  The rewards may be concrete or intangible; the fact that it is there is often, but not always, more important than what form it takes.
As P31 women receive value for their creations (even if it seems to come only from God), so must they put forth their best effort, moment by moment.  Everyone has good days and bad days, but when you exercise a muscle, it becomes stronger.  When you practice strength of character and honor, your ability to exhibit and use these qualities also increases.  At this point, some will say, "But I can't do as much or as well (or as whatever) as so-and-so can.  We're not running against each other.  As long as we put forth the best effort we can at the moment it is required, that is 'enough'.  
Even if we are starting from 'ground zero', the important thing is to start.  I used to work with adults who had mental retardation and developmental disabilities.  Some of them may take years to learn the skill of pulling a comb through their hair one time.  Most of us do this many times a day without much thought.  But the moment they do this, even one time, means as much to God as Moses parting the Red Sea.  It doesn't matter what level we are on when we start our journey, we just need to put one foot in front of the other until we get there.
Many years ago, I started going to a gym before working in the International Department of a bank in downtown Salt Lake City.  There were Stairmasters and that was my 'weapon of choice'.  The first day, I aimed for 5 minutes of exercise.  I know, laughable, right?  And I was winded and sweating at the end.  But I did those 5 minutes every day that week.  The next week I did 10 minutes.  Towards the end of the week, it would seem to be too easy almost, and part of me wanted to bump up my time, but I held to my plan.  After many weeks, I was up to 45 minutes a day.  If the gym was busy on a given morning, maybe I could only do 30 minutes due to a time limit.  But I did my best each day.
When you have strength and honor as your clothing (or an essential part of your daily routine), you can have the satisfaction that only comes from giving your best.  You don't have to worry what each day will bring, because you have laid the groundwork and prepared for eventualities.  Sometimes bad things do happen to good people, the unexpected storm of life takes us by surprise.  Depending on the situation, we may even need a period of time to grieve.  But the skills we have developed, the honor with which we conduct ourselves, will have become second nature by that time, and when the right time to proceed appears, we will be packed and ready to go.

Proverbs 31: 22-23

  

PROVERBS 31

22 - She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 - Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

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According to Dictionary.com, a 'tapestry' is:

a fabric consisting of a warp upon which colored threads are woven by hand to produce a design, often pictorial, used for wall hangings, furniture coverings, etc.

To me, then, verse 22 talks about a woman producing her own home furnishings and her own clothing, or at least knowing how to make her own.  When I was in jr. high school, there were two courses that the young women took (amongst all the academics):  sewing and cooking.  The young men took shop.  I know, sounds archaic, but that was a different time.

Sometimes DIY is a necessity, sometimes a matter of choice.  I'm not making a judgment.  If I need a loaf of bread for supper, would I rather pull bowls and spoons out of the cabinet, ingredients out of the refrigerator, measure, pour, mix, rise, punch, rise, bake and clean up or run down the block to the dollar store and grab a loaf?  That store-bought loaf would be back in my kitchen before you could finish reading this paragraph!

But what if weather prevented getting to a store?  What if there was a trucker's strike and already made goods in stores were sparse?  I'd surely want to have supplies on hand and the ability to make whatever I needed.  Unfortunately, I do not remember the source of this next comment, but like "they" say, "It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark".  Now that DIY was a necessity.  There were no Home Depots in Bible times.

Verse 23 shows that a P31 married woman helps to build and protect the good reputation of her husband.  I believe this is from a standpoint of doing good to someone you love rather than saying women are not as good as men.  But I'll save that particular debate for another day.

It doesn't mean that you go down to city hall, meet with the mayor, and tell him or her that your husband is a good guy that the mayor should really get to know.  (Although wouldn't we like to be a fly on the wall at THAT meeting!)

But when you love someone, you want to help that person succeed...whether it be in school, business, enjoying their hobbies, or developing their talents.  As someone you love honorably fulfills his or her obligations, they will be well thought of by their friends and associates.

I make no judgments about whether or not people actually do these things for themselves; that is not my place.  Everyone's circumstances and abilities are different.  I'm just saying the ability to make certain necessities and creature comforts can be a valuable skill.

I'll go first.  My husband returned to college recently, after a 20 year break.  He is taking basic classes now, and will major in anthropology.  He hates math, and thinks he cannot do it.  (I say that is half the problem right there.).  But since my degree is in Finance, and I've tutored math from a jr high to a post-graduate level, I am happy to help him

There are so many DIY skills that I need to improve ... I could go on for days.  I can make clothing for my family (with a pattern).  I can cook well enough to prevent starvation.  The point is, I'm not going to run out of things to work on anytime soon.

But say we are talking about developing new skills.  I would like to know how to make my own soap.  I don't really have a "good reason" for it, but it's something I've always wanted to try.

What about you?  What DIY skill would you like to develop or improve?

Proverbs 31: 20 - 21

 

Proverbs 31
20 - She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth out her hands to the needy.
21 - She is not afraid of the snow for her household:  for all her household are clothes with scarlet.
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If every good thing we have is from God, then it falls to us to be His hands here when the less fortunate need assistance.  This does not mean that we put ourselves or our families in a difficult way by giving away all we have.  But it does mean that helping the less fortunate is an integral part of our salvation.  I've heard some people say that they don't want to give money to a homeless person because they'll probably use it for drugs or alcohol, that they don't deserve it.  If we all only got what we deserved ... well, we'd all be in deep, DEEP you-know-what.
A Proverbs 31 woman/wife is also prepared for the future, so doesn't worry that her family will be worse off due to some disaster.  Several years ago we had a really bad ice storm here.  Several counties were without power for weeks.  My husband's Mamaw has a wood stove to heat her home ... and we got to hang out with her for a couple of days, until ours came back.  Again, we are not required to provide for the future to the extent that we neglect our present.  But do we really need the newest electronics the minute they come out?  I'm not saying that is necessarily a bad thing, either, just make sure you are prepared for the snow.
Now, for two of my goals:
Caring for self - I want to walk 30 minutes per day at least 3 days per week.
My idea here to have one of my kids come with me each day.  I have 3 kids, so DS1 (dear son 1) could come with me on Monday and Thursday, DS2 on Tuesday and Friday, and DD (dear daughter) on Wednesday and Saturday.  I'm 'surprising' them with this on Monday.
Caring for my children - I am going to teach my oldest son, aged 16, to drive.
A good first step for us would be to go to the DMV and get the Kentucky driver's manual, and go to a nice big parking lot for practice!  
At least I won't be short on things to pray about this week, eh? *ROFL*
Have a GREAT week, y'all!

Proverbs 31: 18-19

PROVERBS 31:  18-19

18.  She perceiveth that her merchandise is good:  her candle goeth not out by night.

19.  She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hand holds the distaff.

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Whether my "merchandise" is a product or service to sell, or meals, cuddles, gardening and the like in a home setting, a Proverbs 31 Woman works to provide the best for her customers or loved ones.  She knows how to make or provide what her family needs, in the best way for each group's circumstances.  If there is something she does not know or a skill she does not have, she works to develop those abilities.

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Originally, I had thought to wait until next week to 'unveil' the habits/goals on which I will be working in March, on my journey to become more like a Proverbs 31 Woman.  But I just can't wait any longer!

Caring for Self - I want to walk 30 mins/day at least 3 days/week:

I obviously need more exercise.  I am older than my father was when he passed away and I have developed some of the same health problems that he had, among them high blood pressure.

Caring for Children - I am going to teach my oldest son, age 16, to drive.

This is something that Brian needs for his own independence.  When it comes time for him to either get a job, or move out for college, etc, especially if he stays in Kentucky, he will need to be able to do this for himself.  And as long as he is home, and we go as a family to visit the in-laws in Texas, it would be SO NICE to have a 3rd driver!

Caring for the Home - I am going to re-vamp our cleaning schedule.

 We are a very crowded family right now, with two adults, two teens, one tween, 1 dog, 1 cat and 6 puppies all in a 3 bedroom apartment.  The old way of cleaning just isn't working anymore.  (And if you know anyone that wants a puppy, feel free to let me know!)

Caring for Finances - I am reorganizing our food budget.

For a long time, I have wanted to prepare food 'closer to home' - baking bread rather than buying it ready made and sliced.  I also need to educate my family more on the benefits of a healthy meal plan.  There is diabetes and heart issues in the current or recent past generations of our family, and I want to make eating better food a priority.

Caring for Husband - I will make sure his study area is organized and clean.

Recently, my husband went back to college at the age of 45.  Growing up, he probably would have been diagnosed with ADHD, if such knowledge existed back then.  The upshot was that not many people believed in his abilities ... including himself.  While some of his subjects are out of my league, I can help him by checking grammar and math, and by keeping his study area free of distractions.

My Relationship with God - I will bolster my prayer life.

 I have never been particularly regular in my prayer life.  At times, I have been one of those who pray a lot when things are not going well, but not so much when the going is easier.  Not entirely sure how this will go, so comments with ideas that have worked for you would be much appreciated!

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Later today, I will post my new-ish "Mental Health Mondays" meme/link-up.  If you write about mental health topics, or know someone who does, I invite y'all to link up this afternoon or evening!

Proverbs 31: 16-17

PROVERBS 31 (KJV)
16.  She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17.  She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
I was originally going to memorize more verses this week, but there is so much going on in just the above two, that I thought it wise to consider them more closely.
"She considereth a field and buyeth it...."  When a wife makes a purchase to increase her family's bottom line, it takes study and a wise decision.  To me, t his implies that she has some level of education or street smarts.  She doesn't necessarily ask permission from her husband, but the purchase is made with his welfare also in mind.  It doesn't even have to be land.  But land, or real estate, etc, is one of the few things that most people have to buy on credit.  Buying the latest car, gadget or style does not generally justify spending money you don't have readily available.
"...with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard."  Once a major purchase has been made, steps must be taken to maintain and/or improve its value.  In the case of a house, repairs or updates can be made or re-decorating can be done.  A piece of land can be used to plant a home garden, graze farm animals.  There is a local property that we pass every time we go to my in-laws on which there will be a day-long sustainability fair at then end of March.
"She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms."  A life close to the home, close to the land is not for the weak of limb nor the faint of heart.  So a wise woman will do several things.  Firstly, she will educate herself so that she can choose the best use of the land.  Secondly, she will have the proper protective gear so that her body and health are protected - gloves, pads to kneel on in the garden, a bottle of water to stay hydrated are just a few of the things that spring to mind.  Lastly, anyone who personally does the house and yard work know that it gives you plenty of load-bearing exercise.  So to mention some stretching and healthy eating would not be out of place.
I also want to honor and mention the women and men who work outside the home, also the soldiers and their families.  Neither work life (in or out of the home) is easy.  To paraphrase an oldish saying, "It takes a village ... to raise a village."
Please click on the button above and visit other great blogs linked to "Inspire Me Monday", "Matrimonal Monday" and "Marriage Monday".  I'd love to hear one thing you will do (or have been doing) to strengthen yourselves this week!

Matrimonial Monday - A Wife's Work

   

Sunday's wife loves the Lord.

Monday's wife uses the ironing board.

Tuesday wife takes care of her man.

Wednesday's wife learns to can.

Thursday's wife teaches her son.

Friday's wife haves some fun!

Saturday's wife helps a friend.

I Thank God that a wife's work will never end!

MM - Working on Semi-Precious

I thought I had done a blog post about starting to memorize Proverbs 31:10-31 a while back.  Well, I can't seem to find it now, and so what will I do?  I'll start over.  And hoping to use this blog link-up to do a series and keep myself accountable and better-organized.

For the first week, I'm going to tackle Proverbs 31:10-12

10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil

12  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

I have never been the best wife and probably never will be - but then who wants that sort of competition thrown in amongst a group of women who ought to be supportive of one another?  No "Real Housewives" for me, thank you.  But I haven't even been the best wife I could be.  And that smarts.

The good news is two-fold...or maybe three.  I don't have to stay that way.  The process of improvement in this area of my life is not necessarily leaping tall buildings with a single bound, but smaller steps, consistently applied.  And God is patient, so there's still hope for me.

I won't bore you...yet (lol)...with a list of my failings as a wife.

But going with the whole rubies/gemstones theme, I have come up with a system to kind of mark my progress on this journey:  Amethyst - caring for self; Sapphire - caring for children; Aquamarine - caring for home; Amber - caring for finances; Citrine - caring for husband; Ruby - a humble heart, caring for God.  

A few random notes:  I chose aquamarine to fill the "green" part of the spectrum because it is my husband's birthsone.  I chose citrine for the orange part of the spectrum because there is no iconic orange gemstone (like amethysts are purple, rubies are red).  The only purposely-chosen color/meaning choice was the ruby-caring for God.  Because what better way is there to be the best wife for a particular husband if not being a woman of God?

More on the whole color scheme of my wifely self-improvement scheme after I've gone through the verses of Proverbs 31 in the weekly posts.  I'd sure LOVE to have you along for the ride, so come on back to the Porch anytime! :O)