Thursday, September 10, 2015
What is something you learned that you wish you could forget?
~~~oOo~~~
I've written about this a couple of times before, so you'll probably get the Reader's Digest condensed version, unless of course, I 'wax lyrical'...
I wish I could unlearn the lesson that "I wasn't enough" or "good enough".
Following are two memories, somewhat far apart in time. I can't say they caused me to lack self-confidence, but they are things that stick out as times when I remember feeling "not enough".
When I was 6 or so, I saw an advertisement in the local paper, calling for young girls to enter a beauty pageant. I took the notice to my other and told her I wanted to enter. She said no and that added that so many girls enter and only one could win. I know now she was trying to shelter me from disappointment. Of course, for all I knew, we could not afford the entry fee. We didn't have the newest and fastest things growing up, but we never went hungry either. The lesson I learned here was that I was not (pretty) enough.
My father held a PhD in Chemical Engineering. He was pretty much the smartest man I ever knew, and the first of his family to even go to college. So academics were very important to him. Since jr high school, I have not had a difficult time with just about any math class I took. When I started high school, I had a trigonometry class that was a struggle. I worked hard and on one test, I got 97 out of 100. I was pretty pumped! I went home and showed the test to my father. His response was to ask, "What happened to the other three points?" My bubble promptly burst and I learned that I wasn't (smart) enough.
I still struggle with this lesson sometimes. I would like to get rid of it. I definitely do not want to pass it along to my children - or anyone else for that matter. Maybe I can bury it in the field next to our house.
I was 12, and in summer camp (a fun camp, not a music camp). Every year we had a singing event, usually a musical such as "South Pacific" the campers put on. For the first three years, anyone was allowed in. This fourth year, they hired a musical director with Broadway experience and he must have thought he was on Broadway. We had to audition and he told me my voice was terrible, in a harsh way. I used to love to sing. From that day forward I never sang in public again. Perhaps we could bury these feelings in the field together. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteHow awful, Alana! I've got an extra shovel if you need it. *hugs*
DeleteHugs, LuAnn. I do believe that parents in that generation - I know that's true in India- believed that things might go to our heads and thought they were pushing us to do better.
ReplyDeleteI've worked hard on healing myself of certain memories, but they still resurface from time to time.
Well, we all think you are wonderful just as you are, Corinne! :O)
DeleteSo sorry you went through that. Parents can be insensitive. Now I pray that I am never that insensitive to my daughter. What message have I put into her head? Thank you for sharing. You are beautiful and intelligent. God loves you; so, you are more than enough.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words Mary. I appreciate them and you!
DeleteI can relate to this post! Some words/memories pinch us for a long long time. Glad that you learnt important lessons from it and looked at it positively. I have seen people who believe that if they have suffered something then others should suffer it too.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Shilpa. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the hurt, but it is so much better for us to do so.
DeleteIt can be difficult during our growing up years...not being able to understand the meaning behind what is said to us, and taking what is being said too literally. Leading to doubt, sometimes being harsh on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteGlad you wrote this, took that first step in leaving these incidents behind you. Love!
Thanks for your kind words, Aditi!
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