Thursday, September 10, 2015
What is something you learned that you wish you could forget?
I've written about this a couple of times before, so you'll probably get the Reader's Digest condensed version, unless of course, I 'wax lyrical'...
I wish I could unlearn the lesson that "I wasn't enough" or "good enough".
Following are two memories, somewhat far apart in time. I can't say they caused me to lack self-confidence, but they are things that stick out as times when I remember feeling "not enough".
When I was 6 or so, I saw an advertisement in the local paper, calling for young girls to enter a beauty pageant. I took the notice to my other and told her I wanted to enter. She said no and that added that so many girls enter and only one could win. I know now she was trying to shelter me from disappointment. Of course, for all I knew, we could not afford the entry fee. We didn't have the newest and fastest things growing up, but we never went hungry either. The lesson I learned here was that I was not (pretty) enough.
My father held a PhD in Chemical Engineering. He was pretty much the smartest man I ever knew, and the first of his family to even go to college. So academics were very important to him. Since jr high school, I have not had a difficult time with just about any math class I took. When I started high school, I had a trigonometry class that was a struggle. I worked hard and on one test, I got 97 out of 100. I was pretty pumped! I went home and showed the test to my father. His response was to ask, "What happened to the other three points?" My bubble promptly burst and I learned that I wasn't (smart) enough.
I still struggle with this lesson sometimes. I would like to get rid of it. I definitely do not want to pass it along to my children - or anyone else for that matter. Maybe I can bury it in the field next to our house.