OK, so it's been like ... two months since I posted last. I thought about my Back Porch a lot, tripping over my guilty thoughts like the vines that twine around the wooden steps leading down to the driveway. I can't really say what has brought me to actually put fingers to keyboard tonight ... but here I am.
I got my last haircut the same way. Having had waistlength hair for years, I thought about cutting it in some more than "just a trim way" for many months. Then one day, I just called, made an appointment and came home to my bug-eyed family (who had been warned of my intentions) swinging my now-detached ponytail and war-whooping. My hair disappeared up to my chin and for weeks I would still flip my head over to mousse it up and wonder why I was nearly falling over (because the rest of the hair-weight wasn't there).
Work has been stressful, more so than usual of late. One of my co-workers had a baby about 3 months ago. Another one just found out she is going to have a little girl a few months down the road. I got tied after having my 3rd child at the age of 41, but still think about having more. So every time someone with whom I work becomes pregnant, I have 'sympathy pains' right along with them. The last month has been pure h-e-double toothpicks: nausea, lower back pain, migraines, sciatica, soaring blood pressure. I've felt on the verge of really losing it on more than one occasion.
Of course, it didn't help that my family (husband and three children) went to Texas to see my MIL and her husband for a week, and I was stuck here in Kentucky because of my job. I don't even ask for time off anymore, because the last two times I've done so, and been approved ... it's been reneged after the paycheck paperwork gets turned in and I'm stuck trying to feed 5 people on $300 less rent, utilities and gas for two weeks. Doesn't work.
The more stressed, bombarded and attacked I feel, the more I withdraw, so that's probably why I haven't been around much of late.